Posted by Brett under
life
I remember Debbie in the second grade
I picked up the torch and it burned bright
I carried it for her.
Eventually it died
Another’s turn to light it
Still it went unnoticed
An awkward kid wearing his heart on his sleeve
It got knocked off to many times to count.
Always it was the F word
Friend. Good enough for that
Still the flame burned
Burned until I was consumed
I still bear the scars today
Trying to attain the unattainable
It never worked for me
Posted by Brett under
life
Going up. The anticipation starts. You keep rising. You look out and you can see the world. You see people with a million possibilities. The world is open to you. You get to the top. You wait with fear for the drop. The descent starts. You lose control. You see your life passing before you. You sweat, you scream uncertain of the outcome. You come crashing down to earth, safe and sound. But before you can recover the ascent starts again.
This is how my life has been. A series of ups and downs that I seem to have no control of. It would not be so bad if these moments were spread out a bit. My motivation has left the station. I feel like I am along for the ride. I just want to get off. I have the highs of going to a great concert to lows of feeling like I am worthless, trying to find some meaning. I have shut myself off from friends and family, even my wife. I think my friends are ready to give up. My self worth was built so much on my job. Without one it is hard to find a reason to get out of bed. Which I guess is why I am updating this at 4am. I love my friends dearly and hope they stick around. Once I can find a way to open up I think I am gonna need them. I guess for now please be patient.
—————-
Now playing: Carbon Leaf - Torn to Tatteredcarrier to noise ratio
via FoxyTunes
Posted by Brett under
Poetry
Pondering the imponderable
You wonder if it would be so terrible to not be here
You slam the door and close yourself off
You feel so alone
Her name is on your lips
This will be the end
The end of feeling useless
The end of the worry
The end of a life wasted
That wasted life flashes before you
It is too late to turn back now
That is when it hits you
As the memories fly through you
The sum of life is what makes you what you are
The good, the bad
The pain, the pleasure
It blends into a tableau that is you
We are the sum of our experiences
There is a plan for us
As you turn from the edge
You look back
You see the lives you have touched
You see the people that would miss you
You think it just may be worth it to stick around
Posted by Brett under
life
Jen and I went up to Michigan for an engagement party. Her cousin is getting married. We were up there from Weds to Sunday. When we go up it is always a balancing act to make sure that we see everyone. I think we did a good job this time. We saw my parents, went by my parents old house in Ortonville, saw numerous people. One of the highlights was seeing my best friend Rob. I have known him for 20 years. I wish I could get him down here. We also went to my parents house. I set up their wireless network. I think it kind of surprises them that I know how to do that stuff. I realized that after doing it that, that is what I want to do for a living. I don’t want to sit on a phone anymore trying to walk people through their issues over the phone. I really like working on computers. The visit went well. There was only one thing that really bothered me about the trip. Jens brother passed away suddenly 2 years ago. He left behind his wife and 2 young kids. Margie his wife was not invited to the engagement party. It really bothered me that she was kind of cut off from the family after Matthew died. I wonder if god forbid something happens to Jen if that will happen to me. I hope not. Other than that it was good to be among loved ones and getting to see our families.
Posted by Brett under
life
I know I have been neglecting this thing. A lot has been going on in my life. About a month ago I was laid off from my job at EDS. It has been really hard for me. It has made me question my self worth. I sank into a depression and closed myself off from everyone. I am still climbing out of that. It has been a long road. I have not really told this to anyone. I guess I am putting it on here because I figure nobody will read it and I can kind of put it all out there. I have been going to school also which takes up my time. I have also been looking for jobs. No luck yet.
Jen and I are going up to Michigan this week to see family. I am hoping that will go well. Other than that have just kind of been in a cocoon. I will try and update this more often. Hopefully things will get better.
Posted by Brett under
life
>мебели стара загораhe friends list. I hope you all had a good one. Unfortunately I spent mine alone. I had to work on Friday so I could not go home to Michigan. We met Jens family halfway and she spent Christmas with them. It has really got me thinking. About us and our relationship. I know that I would never have left her alone on Christmas. Yet she did it and did not seem to care. I say the things that I think that are right and not the things that I feel. So that is why I said to go home. After thinking about it, I realize that I should have stood up for myself. I just wish that I could come first sometimes, or at least feel like a close second. I deserve that. So there were no presents. I went to the movies with some friends of mine to at least get out of the house. I have got a lot of thinking to do.
Posted by Brett under
life
Dang it is cold! Winter has officially sprung. Or is that spring that does that? I always get my cliches mixed up. I just started my fourth semester of school monday. I have a 3.67 gpa. Not to bad for an idiot. I have gotten addicted to house. I have seasons 1-4 on my ipod. I am working my way through season 1. I started with season 4 cause that is the order i got them. I wish i had a team. That would be awesome. Hope everyone is doing well.
Posted by Brett under
life
>коли под наем figured I should update. Quite a bit going on. A few weeks ago I got rear ended at a stop light in my brand new car. 3600 dollars later I am going to be dropping it off at the dealer to get fixed. Luckily the other guys insurance is paying for everything. Including the rental. It is supposed to take 7-9 days to get it fixed up.
Last Friday I had a colonoscopy. If you have never had one of these I would highly recommend against it. It was not fun. It turns out I have a tear somewhere. I will not bore you with the details, but I am going to have to meet with a surgeon to get it fixed. Also My arms look like I am a junky. Curse me and my small veins. They had to poke me 4 times to start the IV.
I just finished the second semester of school. I got A’s in both Critical Thinking and Technical writing. Third semester started Monday. I never thought I would do well in school. I sucked all the way up till high school. I guess now I figure that I don’t have an option. Either get the degree or stay in a sucky job.
Posted by Brett under
life
Today is my 11 year anniversary. Not sure how I got someone to stay with me that long. I am sure glad she did. We have been through a lot together. Love you Jen. And they said it would not last….
In school news I had posted the rough draft of my final paper for one of my classes last Sunday. I found out on Wednesday night that the attachment did not attach. Of course this is after I had to reformat my computer. So I had to re-write the paper because my dumbass forgot to back it up. I ended up getting a 100 points out of a 100 on it. This sunday both of my final papers are due, and the new semester starts on Monday. This will be my third semester. Time flies when you are having fun.
Posted by Brett under
life
Today, HP is hosting a meeting for Securities Analysts. The purpose of the meeting is to present information on the integration of HP and EDS and the steps we’re taking to optimize the performance of our business. I wanted to share the details of this meeting at the same time as we announced them publicly.
EDS is a tremendous addition to HP and immediately catapults us into the top tier of globally scaled service providers. This acquisition follows our carefully executed strategy. First, we focused on building the leading hardware business. Then we developed our software offering to optimize and differentiate our hardware with a particular focus on management and IT automation. The next pillar of the portfolio is a world-class services business. With the acquisition of EDS, HP is now a true one-stop-shop for the enterprise and better able to meet client needs in an environment where more and more technology will be delivered through a services model.
I am confident that the integration will allow us to realize outstanding value, but there are also difficult actions that need to be taken.
By far the hardest part of this effort is restructuring our global workforce and today we are announcing the elimination of 24,600 positions. There is no way to downplay the magnitude of this. The restructuring impacts people, families and communities, and we undertake it with gravity and deliberation. We have the well-being and futures of more than 300,000 employees to consider, and we owe it to all of them to create a business that is healthy, strategically sound and growing.
Our priorities are: to ensure that our global workforce maps to our revenue and growth opportunities; to eliminate redundancies; and to maximize productivity. At the same time, we have developed comprehensive plans to ensure that our customers enjoy the benefits of a streamlined organization with no disruption to the exceptional service they expect and deserve.
We are also integrating EDS into a number of our ongoing transformations, including in IT, real estate, procurement and HR. During the past three years, HP has realized substantial efficiencies in these areas, and we expect to bring this expertise and discipline to our EDS services business with equal success. These actions will make us more competitive.
Additionally, we are integrating and aligning employee benefits programs. As decisions are finalized, any changes will be communicated to affected employees on a country-by-country basis. Further information about these changes and what they mean to you will follow shortly.
Transformation is never easy, but we are doing what’s necessary to compete and win in the long term. Our company is receiving a tremendous reception in the marketplace, and I am confident that we will emerge in a powerful position to generate accelerated growth, profitability, and outstanding opportunities for all of our stakeholders. In the meantime, the best all of us can do — for our company, our colleagues and our customers — is to maintain our focus and continue delivering great results.
Thank you for your help and contributions to this effort.
Mark
