Tragic Comedy

It seems that I have been wrestling with that question for a long time. I have been adrift for a while. Once the anxiety hit I fell away from who I was. I lost my faith. I was very ready to blame god for the problems that I was having, so I still believed that he existed. I did not think that he would help me however. I thought that prayers were kind of a waste of time. There was to be no help for me. I would have to do it on my own. If someone asked me if I was a Christian I would say yeah but… I would never take a stand on the issue. I don’t know whether it was because I was afraid of what my friends would say, or the struggles of faith that I was going through. Either way I was denying my faith and part of myself.
This goes against everything I was taught and raised as. It also goes against who I am. My decisions that I make in life are shaped by me being a Christian. It shapes my relationships, and the way I handle those relationships. The other day someone asked if I was a Christian. For the first time in a long time I answered yes. There was no hesitation, no buts. It was a yes that came from the heart. So I think for the first time in a long time I am rediscovering who I am. I know I have a ways to go but for the first time I am on the right track. I won’t be ashamed, I won’t apologize. This is me.